I was the CEO. Glass ceiling shattered? Maybe.

But getting the title didn’t mean everything suddenly got easier.

I remember walking into executive gatherings and looking around a room full of older white men. There weren’t many women, and when I did connect with other women, we weren’t always talking about what we were navigating. It almost felt like we’d gotten there, so we were supposed to be fine.

And you don’t have to be a CEO to know this feeling. Maybe you finally got the promotion, started leading a team, or earned an opportunity you’d worked toward for years. You thought, Okay, now I’ve proven myself.

Then you realized you’re still proving yourself. Every. Single. Day.

What gets me is how much energy we spend trying to get it “right.” Be confident, but don’t intimidate anyone. Be direct, but make sure everyone likes you. Deliver great results, but also work on your executive presence—whatever that means when nobody can give you an actual example.

At some point, you have to wonder: Am I getting useful feedback, or am I trying to meet an expectation that keeps changing?

And because we’re capable women who know how to get things done, we usually respond by doing more. We work harder, explain ourselves more carefully, and assume there’s something we need to fix.

I’ve done it. And I wish I’d stopped sooner to ask whether more effort was actually going to change the situation.

Often, there’s something else happening. Decisions are being influenced by relationships you don’t know about. Your results are getting overshadowed by someone’s opinion of your personality. Or you’re slowly being left out of conversations you used to be part of, while telling yourself you’re probably overthinking it.

That doesn’t mean every frustrating moment is a sign of something bigger. But it does mean we shouldn’t automatically make ourselves the problem.

Here’s what I want you to take from this: Before you decide you need to do more, get clearer on what’s happening.

Ask for a specific example when feedback is vague. If expectations have changed, ask what changed and why. And talk it through with someone you trust who can help you see beyond your own running commentary of maybe I just need to try harder.

I wish more women had talked honestly with me about this throughout my career. Getting the promotion doesn’t mean you suddenly have it all figured out, and pretending everything is fine doesn’t help the next woman either.

That’s what I appreciated about my conversation with Shannon Nutter, co-author of Walking on Broken Glass. She’s been there. We talked about why women can feel perpetually “too much” or “not enough,” why great performance doesn’t always protect you, and how to recognize when you’re being sidelined.

And we talked about what to do with that information. Because I’m all for an honest conversation, but I also want us to leave with something we can use.

Listen to the full Loud & Lifted episode with Shannon wherever you get your podcasts. If you’ve ever thought, I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do. Why is this still so hard? I think you’ll feel understood.

🎧 Listen to the full episode:

​Spotify​
​Apple​
​YouTube​

Lead louder. Grow stronger. Don’t do it alone.

And if you’re in Central Pennsylvania and looking for smaller, more meaningful connections with other women, email me and I’ll send you details on upcoming events.

Betsy