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I have been thinking a lot about the word loud lately.

Which is probably a good thing considering I named a podcast Loud & Lifted.

But to be clear: I have never believed being loud means being the person who talks the most, interrupts everyone or pounds her fist on the table until people listen.

That is not really the point.

To me, I wanted to use the word loud in the title because being loud has always been about using your voice. Speaking up. Sharing what you think. Advocating for yourself and other women.

But after my conversation with Elaine Lin Hering, I realized even that definition was still a little too simple.

Because sometimes the issue is not that we are physically quiet. Sometimes we are talking all day long, leading teams, managing families, solving problems and still silencing ourselves.

We say, “Whatever everyone else wants.”

We agree to one more thing before checking whether we actually have the time.

We let a comment go because addressing it feels uncomfortable.

We keep a concern to ourselves because we do not want to be seen as difficult.

We tell everyone we are fine because explaining what we really need feels like more work.

And after a while, we get so good at considering everyone else that we stop checking in with ourselves. That was the part of my conversation with Elaine that really stayed with me.

She defines silence as withholding parts of yourself for the comfort and convenience of others.

Your opinion.

Your needs.

Your preferences.

Your goals.

Sometimes even your personality.

And when she said it that way, I thought, well, yes. I have absolutely done that. I think most women have.

We are often rewarded for it. We are told we are dependable. Collaborative. Easy to work with. A great team player. Those sound like compliments, and often they are, but sometimes “easy to work with” really means you don't ask for much.

You don't push back.

You take on the extra work.

You make everything more convenient for everyone else.

And there can be a real cost to that. Especially as we grow in our careers.

Early on, we are often rewarded for what we produce. Did we complete the work? Did we hit the deadline? Did we get it done? But as we move into leadership, our value becomes less about output and more about perspective.

We are in the room because of what we know, what we have experienced and what we can see that someone else may not. That means withholding our point of view is not humility. It may actually be withholding part of the value we are there to provide.

That does not mean we need to say every thought that enters our head, however! : ) It simply means we have to stop assuming our perspective is less important than everyone else’s.

Elaine offered two questions that are so simple, but I think they are a powerful place to start:

What do I think?

What do I need?

Not what does my boss think.

Not what would keep everyone happy.

Not what is easiest for the family, the team or the client.

What do I think? What do I need?

You do not have to announce the answers to the world. You do not have to blow up your life or suddenly become a completely different person.

You just need to start noticing. Notice the moments when you automatically agree. Notice when you stay quiet even though something matters to you. Notice when you need support but decide it is easier to carry it alone. Notice when you are making yourself smaller so everyone else can stay comfortable.

Maybe that is what being loud actually means.

Not being the loudest person in the room.

Not becoming more aggressive.

Not changing your entire personality.

Being loud means being fully yourself.

Knowing what you think.

Knowing what you need.

And trusting that your voice belongs in the conversation.

That feels much closer to what Loud & Lifted was always supposed to mean.

This week on Loud & Lifted

My conversation with Elaine Lin Hering, author of Unlearning Silence, completely changed the way I think about silence, voice and what it means to be loud.

We talk about how women learn to withhold parts of themselves, why being “easy to work with” can sometimes hold us back and the small, practical ways we can begin using our voices without becoming someone we are not.

🎧 Listen to the full episode:

​Spotify​
​Apple​
​YouTube​

Find your loud and keep lifting others,

Betsy